My journey into motherhood… tales from a caffeine deprived mum brain.
We started lockdown in March 2020 with a positive pregnancy test after nearly two years of trying. Unfortunately we had a miscarriage just after our wedding in 2018 so we were over the moon to be pregnant again. Little did we know that a global pandemic was on its way and the pregnancy would mean isolating for the majority of the year and spending the next 9 months alone together facing the impending doom of parenthood. I went to scans alone, had midwife appointments on the phone, no baby showers or last lunches with friends before I disappeared under nappies and baby grows. None of it was how we had planned or envisioned it. They say no one can prepare you for parenthood but this was literally the case for us. By the time we were ready for antenatal classes the second lockdown was looming and we were forced onto zoom to learn how to keep our small person alive!
Due date been and gone, we were ready, bag packed and LED tea-lights on standby. Every eventuality thought through… except an 80 hour labour and my newborn being whisked away to NCU. She had a lung infection as a result of breathing in macronium in the womb. She spent the first 3 days of her life covered in wires, surrounded by beeping machines. I will never forget lying on a bed in the delivery suite listening to the silence , wondering if I’d had her or dreamt it. Then I sat up. Nope, not a dream, very much a reality.
It was around day 4 that we got to have her in our room. The nurse from NCU brought her in and just like that we were responsible. The three of us staring at each other wondering what to do next. 24 hours later we were on our way home, feeling every bump in the road and waving our fists at every reckless driver.
As I walked through the front door with my tiny human I knew life would never be the same again. There were now two constants in my life, the worry “Am I doing this right” and the love (oh the love 🥰) I have for her.
I don’t remember the world before her, I think there were late nights and drinking, not much has changed there. Three months in and I can safely say it’s not the worse job I’ve had but I would like to talk to HR about hiring an assistant.
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